Dear Noah,
\nWe could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5.
\nSincerely, Unicorns<\/p>\n
Dear Twilight fans,
\nPlease realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
\nEnjoy fantasizing about that.
\nSincerely, Logic<\/p>\n
Dear Santa,
\nPlease tell me how you managed to stop at three Ho’s.
\nSincerely, Tiger Woods<\/p>\n
Dear Icebergs,
\nSorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.
\nSincerely, The Titanic<\/p>\n
Dear J.K. Rowling,
\nYour books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?
\nSincerely, Anonymous<\/p>\n
Dear America,
\nYou produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
\nSincerely, Canada<\/p>\n
Dear Boyfriend,
\nI can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
\nSincerely, Spiders<\/p>\n
Dear Voldemort ,
\nSo they screwed up your nose too?
\nSincerely, Michael Jackson<\/p>\n
Dear Yahoo,
\nI’ve never heard anyone say, „I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…“ just saying…
\nSincerely, Google<\/p>\n
Dear girls who have been dumped,
\nThere are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead.
\nSincerely, BP<\/p>\n
Dear 2010,
\nSo I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? What happened?!
\nSincerely, 1985<\/p>\n
Dear Justin Bieber ,
\nAriel would really love her voice back.
\nSincerely, King Triton<\/p>\n
Dear Rose,
\nThere was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.
\nSincerely, Jack<\/p>\n
Dear Windshield Wipers,
\nCan’t touch this.
\nSincerely, That Little Triangle<\/p>\n
Dear Taylor Swift,
\nIf it is of any interest to you, Romeo and Juliet both kill themselves in the end.
\nSincerely, Shakespeare<\/p>\n
Dear Soccer Fans,
\nB B B B B B Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z
\nZ Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z!
\nSincerely, Vuvuzelas<\/p>\n
Dear Saturn,
\nI liked it, so I put a ring on it.
\nSincerely, God<\/p>\n
Dear Rubik’s Cube,
\nDone!
\nSincerely, Colorblind<\/p>\n
Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans,
\nI. Can’t. Breathe.
\nSincerely, Your Balls<\/p>\n
Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,
\nI have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream… What now?
\nSincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio<\/p>\n
Dear Sleeping Beauty,
\nI had to join the army, dress up like a man, defeat the hun army and totally save China for my man.
\nAll you had to do was wake up.
\nSincerely, Mulan<\/p>\n
Dear Romeo,
\nMy death isn’t the only thing I’ve been faking…
\nSincerely, Juliet<\/p>\n
Dear Fox News,
\nSo far, no news about foxes.
\nSincerely, Unimpressed<\/p>\n
Dear Toaster,
\nJust gonna stand there and watch me burn?
\nSincerely, Toast<\/p>\n
Dear Edward,
\nI really hope that one day, I can find my way into your heart.
\nSincerely, a stake<\/p>\n
Dear Prince Charming,
\nYou’ve got some explaining to do!
\nSincerely, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Sleeping Beauty<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns Dear Twilight fans, Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that. Sincerely, Logic Dear Santa, Please tell me how you managed to stop … <\/p>\n